


Facing the dark (there's a light somewhere)

by Deki



Category: South Park
Genre: Fluff, It's midnight and I had a shitty night so here we go, Kyle Broflovski - Freeform, Kyle is a good bf, Mental Illness, SORRY YALL, TW: Self Harm, depictions of self harm, sad stuff, what are tags
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-13
Updated: 2019-05-13
Packaged: 2020-03-02 13:50:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,618
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18812197
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Deki/pseuds/Deki
Summary: You're having a bad night and Kyle's there to help you.(Trigger warning: depictions of self harm!)gfgdfg I just noticed a part that I thought I deleted-that's what happens when you don't proof read, kids :")





	Facing the dark (there's a light somewhere)

**Author's Note:**

> I tried to keep it gender neutral! Let me know if I succeeded or not. Feel free to leave a comment, even if you didn't like it! I'm always looking to improve.
> 
> I wrote this on a whim, after a mentally exhausting night. Pretty OOC but whatever, it's pretty self indulgent to begin with.

The clouds were dark over South Park, Colorado. It was a drizzly Tuesday night, in August...

' _Fuck this weather_ ,' you thought bitterly as you stared out the window of your room. It was only 6pm, but the clouds were so dark that one could've mistaken it for 9 or 10. The sound of rain hitting the glass would've normally soothed you, lulled you into a peaceful slumber-

But not tonight. 

Tonight, it taunted you. The sound insulted your ears, made your head pound with a terrible pain that made you wince when you moved too quickly. You curled your lips back in disgust. The weather was playing with you, like a cat would a mouse. You wanted desperately to open your window and scream, make your frustrations known to the world. But you didn't. You simply sat on your bed, legs pulled up to your chin. You felt a familiar feeling creep up into your chest.

No, not now. No, no no no no. As soon as you felt it, you immediately curled up, burying your face into your knees. You hated this feeling; the darkness in you that made your chest ache, like someone was pulling your heart out. It made your stomach tighten and coil, like you were going to be sick. You choked back a sob, swallowing the thick cry that threatened to spill from your lips. You didn't want your parents to hear; they wouldn't understand.

They never did.

Your thoughts turned dark, despite your attempts to keep them positive and light. A dark shadow covered you, hanging over like an old heavy blanket. It was heavy and cold, but you were familiar with it. Ah, depression, your old friend. You'd been in a toxic relationship with depression since early middle school, when your family was uprooted from [Hometown] when your father got a new job. You moved from your comfortable life, full of life and friends and happiness, to this tiny excuse of a town. South Park was vastly different from [Hometown] and you definitely noticed.

You made friends though, even found a wonderful boyfriend. But even after accepting your new life, the depression still hung over your shoulders. It persisted, even through therapists and medications. You tried everything suggested to you by doctors and neighborhood moms; regular exercise, adapting new hobbies, taking trips into nature, all that bullshit. 

Nothing worked. 

A rumble of thunder brought you out of your thoughts. You looked into your reflection in the window. You looked tired, and sad; dark rings under your eyes, unkempt hair, red eyes and nose. You flipped yourself the bird out of... shame? Anger? You weren't sure.

Your chest continued to tighten. And then you felt it. A familiar itch, an urge that you tried so hard to suppress. You tried to keep it under, to force it back down into the dark pits of your being, but it always won. You ran your hand up your arm uncomfortably, the tingling of your skin reminding you of everything. You wanted to stop. You wanted it to go away, but it never did. 

A small noise brought your attention from your dark thoughts. Your phone's green light blinked away, signalling you had a new text. You tapped on the screen and it came on, revealing a picture of you and him. You smiled, and although it was hallow and felt meaningless you felt a twinge of happiness stab through the dark for a moment.

**Kyle.**

Kyle Broflovski was the best damned boyfriend a person could ask for. He was sweet, gentle, funny. You'd first met him in middle school when you and Kyle were paired up for some project in one of your classes. History, you think. You both had to give a presentation on something. The two of you worked well together, split the work evenly and gave 100% on both of your parts. So you and him began to pair up more often for projects. 

It kind of happened fast. You both found yourselves looking forward to seeing each other, whether it was for school or to hangout. He convinced you to join his friend circle, much to the dismay of his bigger friend. (You think his name was Eric?)

It didn't take long for you to ask him out. And while he was shocked at your straight-forwardness, he was happy to accept. It's been almost 3 years since then; you were in high school now, and you were still together.

But even with the fond memories swimming in your mind, the shadow over your heart refused to budge. 

You picked up your phone and opened the new text.

 

_Hey! <3 I saw this meme and thought of you!_

It was a picture of a cat covered in dirt. It was amusing, but your face remained stoic. You wanted to laugh, but you didn't.

 

_Lol_

Your reply was short. You didn't feel like memes right now. You set your phone down and uncurled yourself. It was getting cold in your room. You laid on your side and pulled the blankets up to your neck. It was a few quiet moments before your phone buzzed.

 

_Are you okay? I've been a little distant lately. :( I'm a little worried._

You smiled slightly. He was always worrying about you. You found it endearing, albeit a little smothering at times. Nonetheless you were thankful someone gave a shit enough to actually check on you, Lord knows your parents didn't care.

 

_99_

You stared at the reply. "99" was your way of saying, "I'm not okay, I need you." It was something you'd read about, and you thought it was a nice idea. You brought it up to Kyle one night, and suggested that if either one of you needed the other, you'd text 99. 

 

You closed your eyes, not bothering to see what his reply was when your phone buzzed again. You knew he'd be on his way, he always came over when you needed him. You gripped your arm again. It'd happened just a few days ago. It was itchy, and it urged you to do it again. You wanted to stop, but it was like an addiction. 

"Hey," came the warm voice of your boyfriend. Kyle slowly opened the door to your room. He was panting lightly, as if he'd been running. Which he probably was, he always rushed to get to you, even when you were just hanging out.

"Hey." Your voice was lightly muffled by your blankets, but clear enough for him to understand. As he approached, you shrank back into the comfort of your warm fortress, regretting calling him here. You didn't want him to see. You didn't want to disappoint him.

A look of concern crossed his face as he looked down at you. He knelt beside your bed, his warm green eyes looking into your [Eye Color] ones.

"[Name], is everything okay?" He barely got the question out before suddenly you were latched onto his torso, your arms wrapped around his midsection and your face buried into his chest. The sudden movement surprised him, but afterwards he wrapped his arms around you, pulling you into him.

"I'm sorry," You whispered into his jacket, "I'm so sorry." Your voice cracked, and you couldn't stop the tears from flooding your eyes. You cried into his chest, clinging to him like your life depended on it. You felt so weak. You promised you'd stop, but you relapsed and let him down. You felt shitty.

"[Name], love, what happened?" He questioned, gently prying you off of him to look you in the eyes. You wanted to pull away, to disappear forever. But he held you in place gently, tracing idle patterns on your hand with his thumb.

"I... I couldn't keep my promise. I failed, I fucking failed, I'm so fucking weak." You sobbed, hanging your head in shame. Your arms itched and burned, you wanted to claw your skin off so it would stop.

Kyle sighed softly, pulling you into a tight hug. It felt wonderful, to feel him hold you like this. He clung to you, placing gentle, loving kisses on your shoulder and neck. 

"It's okay [Name], it's okay. You did so good, I'm not upset." He muttered into your skin, letting you cry into his shoulder. You trembled and shook against him as you gripped his jacket. You felt so sick, but at the same time his words struck at the dark shadow looming over you. 

"Baby steps, okay? We'll get there slowly, together." He encouraged, lifting a hand and cupping your cheek gently. He swiped away the tears with his thumb and gave you a loving, confident smile.

"I know it's hard now, but there's a light somewhere in there. We just have to find it." You couldn't help but smile at his words. He tenderly ran his hand up your arm, his touch sending tingles over your scarred and raw skin. It made you wince slightly from the pain, but you welcomed it.

"Thanks, Kyle." You sniffled, letting your body relax against his. He hummed in response as he ran his hand through your soft hair. He placed a kiss on your forehead.

"No problem, [Name]. I love you, so much. I'd do anything for you."

His presence was like a warm glow of light to you. It slowly chipped away at your rough shell, slowly letting in little rays of light in the dark cave that you were trapped in. It was very much welcomed. Kyle was always willing to do anything for you, and you were willing to do the same.

Together you'd face the darkness, and somewhere you'd find the light to break through.

 

 


End file.
